Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
