she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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