I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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