Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
