I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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