i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
