i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
