No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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