My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize