loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
