Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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