I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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