went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
