I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize