My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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