I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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