I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We got so high we made milksteak
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
