BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
