Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
