My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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