Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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