somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
