she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
