i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
