somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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