There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Two words: blizzard sex
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
