the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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