I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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