I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize