will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
