We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
