I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
