There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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