I think I died a long time ago.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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