Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My life is pants optional.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize