how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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