I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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