apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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