Pappa wants mamma naked
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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