Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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