Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
