Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
