i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
