also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
