you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
