They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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