I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
