Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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