We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
