Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize