I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
