Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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