I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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