Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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