so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
