The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
