How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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