oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
