you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
