Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
