i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
