guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
