just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
