My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize