I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
