he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
