The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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