i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
