omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
