So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
