Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
