filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
