Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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